ASP040: Discovering Your Inner Gold: Doing The Work

This week we are talking about doing the work required to discover your inner gold. We jump into all the different ways that people use to avoid paid and the fear of pain. Then we get to the good stuff, what is on the other side of that pain.

Inner Gold:

We are born with our Inner Gold inside of us. Dysfunctional and unloving households suppress them.

aptitudes
interests
loves
passions
capabilities

Dr. Dean goes into the conflict between the individual and the collective. The collective is all those forces that want us to fit in and become part of the collective. The problem with that is is not possible for an individual to ever fit in.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”

– EE Cummings

If someone wants to discover their inner gold, they need to get back in touch with their original self. We need to reconnect and heal those psychic wounds.

A list of distractions:

Addictions
Dysfunctional Relationships
Jobs & Workaholism
Life Projects
Life Coping Strategies
- Codependency
- People Pleasing
- Never Saying No
- Self-Abnegation: the denial of oneself
- Relationships and friendships with people who you shouldn’t be friends with.
- Enabling

Step 1: Stop running and let the pain hit you

Imagine Indiana Jones running from that big ball. Then just stop running. Running includes any of the behaviors listed above. Or it might be something different.

Step 2: Grieve

Many times people find that they grieve a childhood they did not have.

Sometimes there is sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional, verbal, spiritual abuse, abandonment, and/or neglect. These abuses can create a deep well of shame.

Shame is different than guilt. Guilt is remorse over something you have done and you can make amends for. Shame is a darker feeling. Shame is associated with one’s identity. Shame causes you to feel completely worthless. The only way to stop letting shame run you is to feel it and grieve.

Step 3: Do the work

Doing the work can look many different ways. But it’s pretty simple. (Not easy mind you, but it is simple.) It is traveling through the pain and reintegrating it into your human experience.

Doing the work starts with a recognition that your current life is not working for you. You are unhappy with your results. It requires a willingness to go within and immense honesty.

You can do the work by going to meetings. Dr. Robb recommends ACA meetings and CoDA meetings.
You can also journal or record audio. Most phones today have a recording option on them. The key to getting this to work is to just let the information flow out of you.
- Some questions to journal/record on include:
  - Why am I involved in this dysfunctional relationship?
  - What am I getting out of it?
Find a therapist or a coach. Make sure they understand what you are going through.
- You’ve heard me say how much I love coaching. Every person has a natural level of success they will achieve on their own. (I’m not talking about money, although that can be one way to measure it. If you are reading this then you are successful!) We must be open to feedback and coaching from someone who has been there and can see what we can’t.
Create a support system.

Step 4: Beautifully start to discover and reconnect with your true self, your inner gold.

This is the perfect time to start trying new behaviors. Practice and be patient with yourself. Explore new career paths if you are unhappy in your career. Start to explore what you want in life.

I’m excited to know how you feel about this episode. Please leave a comment below and let us know. What did you love as a child? What will your next step be?

Resources:

Dr. Robb can be reached at drrobb@nextstagerecovery.com, by phone at 908-922-3009 or 908-757-4721, on the internet at www.NextStageRecovery.com, on Facebook at facebook.com/nextstagerecovery, and on Twitter at @RecoverWithDean.

This is the 2nd in a series of 6 episodes with Dr. Dean Robb. Did you hear the others?